365 Nights — A Memoir of Intimacy

January 6th – Oprah. It’s true. Brad and I are appearing on Oprah. Stuff of dreams, right? Well, we didn’t get to Chicago, so you can dispense with your questions about the weather, the Green Room, the make-up chair and seeing O up close and personal. Sad to say, none of that, friends.

Instead, B, the producer, sent us a huge piece of Samsonite luggage that housed a Skype system. A Skype system, for those NOT in the know, is a camera, a mike and a laptop that is so super EZ to assemble/connect that even an idiot who is scheduled to be on Oprah can set it up. NOT. The way it works is this – you set up your Skype in your living room, snuggle down on your couch, adjust the camera so it captures your best side in the most flattering light and have a test run with the really cute producer from Oprah. NOT. (more…)

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January 5th – In light of our teeny, tiny, teensy weensy appearance on Oprah, a lot of folks have asked me about some of the interview highlights over the course of 365 Nights.  Here’s a rundown:

New York Times, Sunday “Style” Section, June 8th
Notes of interest: I am called a steak-eating, Bible-reading Republican in this article – clearly a slur in NYC, but possibly not so much in other parts of America. I like my filet medium-rare, thank you.

“The View,” ABC, July 7th
Notes of interest: I sat next to Whoopi in the make-up chair – craz-eee! Elizabeth Hasselback still looks gorgeous with giant Velcro rollers stuck in her head. (more…)

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January  5th — As many know, I have an ongoing battle with unwanted facial hair. Wily eyebrows. Sneaky lip hair. An errant mole hair. And now, I have a single dark hair sprouting on my neck – boy, do I have to keep an eye on that one. It’s quite inconvenient and on occasion, time consuming. I spend lots of time with state-of-the-art tweezers (I have three kinds, but my fave is by Laura Mercier) gazing into my triple magnification mirror looking for the next hairy trespassers. My normal defense is waxing and tweezing. In high school I had two unfortunate unwanted hair incidents (UHIs) – one involved Jolene Cream Bleach on my lip and the other involved Nair on my eyebrow (which resulted in my mother coloring in the missing part of my brow for the better part of a semester). (more…)

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January 4th — In a bold example of the disparities that often exist in life, Brad and I recently registered on our new Wii fit. He did it right away. I waited a few days, and did it when I thought everyone was out of the room. After all, that little perky machine does weigh you. You can password protect this information, by the way, which is critically important to those wives who live by the adage of “what my husband doesn’t know can’t hurt me.” (more…)

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January 3, 2009 – Brad bought four tix to the Greatest Show on Earth. Which is a euphemism for the Greatest Rip-Off in the History of Mankind.  And I can’t believe he got four tickets as he knows how I feel about circuses.  Which is obvious: I hate them. Except for Cirque de Soleil which at one time was a freakishly awesome spectacle that has been so overfranschised that I’m now waiting for Cirque su Soleil: Dirt (you know, to follow O, air and all things useful). Anyway, I don’t like the circus.  Never have and strongly believe I never will. And no, it’s not because I’m an animal lover. It’s not that noble.  I just don’t find them that interesting.  And it’s a hassle to get there.  And a soda and popcorn costs as much as a tank of gas. And it smells.  And it’s hard to get good seats (and I am ALL ABOUT access).  And it seems kinda sad and weird (which is unusual, because I’m usually first in line for sad and weird).  The only thing I think I might like about the circus is the people watching.  Because the circus brings out all kinds of freaks who aren’t even getting paid to be freaks.   But I could do that at the Greyhound station…for free.  My kids have been several times and I’ve managed not to go.  Brad has taken them, they’ve gone with their Indian Princess or Indian Guide tribe (no moms, you know) and so on.  Now it seems, I’ll be going this February.  I’ll let you know now it goes.  I guess Mama will have start to saving her coin for some popcorn, cotton candy and some crappy souvenir guaranteed to break within eight hours of receipt.

P.S. – I will tell you that I loved “Like Water for Elephants” by Sara Gruen, which is about the circus.  And I read this other weirdly disturbing book about this circus and this genetically altered circus family who started a cult and had people shedding limbs to join the cult. I can’t for the life of me remember who wrote it or the name of it, but it was strangely good and repulsive at the same time. I recommend it to those with a strong stomach. I gave it my friend, David, as a gift and he never cracked the spine.  Wimp.

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